


Slightly Better Omens

by probs_pastel_goth



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character death (Harriet Dowling), Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Established Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Found Family, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Homophobia, Misogyny, Multi, Short Crowley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 01:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20127286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probs_pastel_goth/pseuds/probs_pastel_goth
Summary: In the beginning, there were three babies, an angel and a demon. These two, meant to be enemies, decided Gods Plan wasn’t worth it. They liked Earth, and wanted to save it. What better way, than to raise the Antichrist to like the Earth like they did? If they were at all competent, that would have worked. Such a shame they got the wrong boy. I’m sure it will work out though. Now, as I have said once before, Let there be light!





	1. In the beginning (not to be confused with The Beginning)

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, this is the first time I’ve written in a while. I haven’t edited this, I just wanted to post it. Apologies if it jumps around, sorry it’s shorter than my other works, but I can’t write long chapters for multi chapter fanfics. Hope you enjoy anyway!

Life in the Dowling household had never been normal, not since the Nanny and the Gardener came along. The two acted like parents for the young Master Warlock. Of course, this was somewhat expected of the Nanny, she was meant to watch him, but the Gardener? That was strange. Or at least it was, until a new staff member, one of the kitchen girls, asked if Nanny Ashtoreth was married. This lead to some very discreet glancing around, aided by her dark glasses, as the fair lady answered that she was, indeed, married. When asked who to, however, she merely smirked, and told her to figure it out. It took around a week, in which three of the other girls joined in on the investigation, for them to decide it _had _to be the Gardener. 

This was, of course, not true, but when the girls approached the two about it as they sat watching Warlock, they flustered, before looking at each other meaningfully. Then, in one swift movement, they both moved to pull strings from under their shirts, attached to which were rings, clearly of differing quality. Ashtoreths’ looked as if was made by someone just learning to forge, whilst Brother Francis (the Gardener) had an intricate ouroboros. As it turns out, they had made each other's rings, which of course the girls all found adorable. After that brilliant discovery, nobody questioned Francais’ presence with young Warlock, the girls having spread the information like wildfire.

So yes, back to the main point. Life in the Dowling household was strange, after a few years when Warlock was three, they moved back to America. The Nanny and The Gardener followed them, unwilling to part with the young charge. Neither parent protested as they weren't exactly great with Warlock. They hadn't raised him, aside from the bare minimum. Harriet hadn't wanted children in the first place, and Warlock didn't seem to like her anyway. Thaddeus had lost interest the moment he realised Warlock had no desire to play sports. Thus, Nanny and Gardener both came along, and life was Good. Strange, certainly, but Good.

Until it wasn't. You see, moving back to America wasn't the smartest decision, as it meant Harriet and Warlock were expected to be seen in public, especially meeting with the president. This unfortunately exposed them both to the harsh political world even more than before, and certain groups got ideas. Clearly, the competition had to be dealt with, and what better blow than the assassination of the child of the Ambassador?

Ashtoreth, Harriet and Warlock were on a walk. It was good to get some air, especially since keeping a five-year-old still and quiet in a meeting was downright impossible, even for Ashtoreth after an hour. So, a walk was in order. They had even managed to convince the bodyguards to stay behind, assuring them that they were perfectly safe for a walk. Of course, they weren't, but no one knew that now did they?

Nobody saw it coming. The only warning was Ashtoreth, grabbing Warlock and Harriet both and pulling them down. She managed to cover Warlock before she heard the shot and the scream. The guards, who of course had been following, they knew better than to leave them completely unguarded, quickly rushed over, before calling for backup, and an ambulance. Everything happened so fast, or maybe they didn't. The next thing Ashtoreth and Warlock both knew, they were in a car on the way to the hospital, a shock blanket around Ashtoreths’ dark shoulders, which also wrapped around the young boy. They were both shaking, or at least, Warlock was. He was shaking violently, and his grip on his Nanny caused her to be affected as well. Nanny was muttering to him, humming his favourite song, but nothing helped.

Ashtoreth was trying to hold it together, but that was too close. Warlock was meant to take that bullet, Warlock could have died. _ Her little boy could have died. _She couldn't ground herself, so focused on grounding Warlock instead. He was terrified, naturally, but she could help him. She had too. If she could get him to sleep, he would be out for at least an hour, plenty of time to calm down herself.

Miraculously, not literally, Warlock stayed down for a good three hours, in which Harriet's report came through, and she was diagnosed deceased. Ashtoreth left shortly after paying her respects, knowing that it would be wise to leave Mr Dowling alone for now. With Warlock in her arms, she returned to the house, to be greeted by Francis.

”My dear, I heard what happened, you're not hurt, are you?”

”No, I'm fine angel. Can we put Warlock in bed?” Try as she might, her voice shook as she spoke, showing she was definitely _not_ fine. Francis, knowing his wife well, left her alone on the topic for a moment, waiting until Warlock was settled in and they had returned to their shared room.

The moment the door closed, Ashtoreths control broke, and shudders and shakes overtook her body. Ashtoreth had left for the moment, and Crowley had returned. Francis, now Aziraphale, took his wife into his arms, humming an ancient song only the two knew, not counting myself. Crowley allowed her energy to reach out, and met Aziraphale's aura doing the same thing. _ It's okay, _ his aura said, _ I'm here. Warlock is fine, we can do this. _ And slowly but surely, Crowley grounded herself. The auras were withdrawn, Ashtoreth and Francis returned, and they headed back to Warlocks room. They couldn't do anything but wait for him to wake, and so they did. 

Life continued, as always, but it was different. Mr Dowling was different, precisely. He seemed, angrier. Which would be acceptable, if he wasn't directing it towards Warlock. The love he had for his son had died with his wife. His son didn't like sports, playing and watching, he never listened to him, and he didn't seem affected by the death of his mother. Just ran off to his _ Nanny _ like _ she _gave birth to him. And so Thaddeus became cold to Warlock, but at least it was contained. This restraint he had lasted until the funeral.

Now, Warlock wasn't the most emotional child. He cried a lot as a baby, as one does, but ever since Nanny came around, he didn't need to. Nanny noticed what he needed, and when he needed it. Of course, this ability meant she knew when he needed a good cry, and so it was done. Just a healthy cry, with cuddles and cocoa. He had been crying a lot since the assassination, so by the time of the funeral, he was all cried out. He was sad, yes, but he had mourned. He had cried so much, he just couldn't. Thaddeus couldn't see this, however. In hindsight, it was a bad idea to let him go to drink for a while.

”Where is that little brat! When I get my hands on him... Boy!”

”Mr Dowling, Warlock is asleep, please do calm down.”

”Don't tell me what to do, Ashtoreth! Let me see my son.” Before she could repeat herself, Thaddeus pushed her aside and went up to Warlocks room.

The shouting had woken Warlock, and he was sitting there confused as to why his dad was shouting at Nanny, when his door burst open. The noise startled him, still sensitive to loud noises as one would expect, unless one was Thaddeus, of course.

”Dad? What's happening?”

”You little shit! Don't have it in you to care about your own mother, huh? She gave birth to you, she fed you, and this is the thanks she gets?” (Harriet had in fact _not_ given birth to Warlock, that would be Mrs Young. She hadn’t even breastfed him passed the minimum age, but of course, our dear Ashtoreth did.)

Warlock didn't know what was happening, but he knew it was bad. Nanny was coming up the stairs, she would fix it. Before she could fix it, however, Thaddeus got it into his drunken mind that Warlock deserved punishment for his lack of care for his mother. Of course, the punishment was best applied by the parent, so he had to do it. _ Naturally. _

Ashtoreth was just a few steps from the door when she heard the slap, and the thud which she knew was Warlock falling to the ground. She had no other thoughts as she burst into the room and grabbed Thaddeus apart from_ how dare you hurt _ ** _my child!_ ** As it turns out, an angry demon is a force to be reckoned with, who'd of thought? Clearly not Thaddeus, who's response to be grabbed was to backhand the offender. The slap landed, surprisingly, but immediately after he was pinned to the floor, so I think it was meant to. 

Several things happened after this, including a court case against Thaddeus, arguing he should no longer have custody of Warlock, and instead Ashtoreth and Francis should have full custody. They were basically his parents already, and the bruise on Ashtoreths face was still healing, so it was a clear cut, easily won case. The little God blessed miracle had nothing to do with it. (The American legal system could do with some work, couldn't it?)

Now with full custody of the Antichrist (not the Antichrist), what will Aziraphale and Crowley do next? Move back to England? They do need to be closer to the true Antichrist, let's see how they pull this off, hmm?


	2. Adventures with the Ineffable family, blessed by God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley, Aziraphale and Warlock have some family fun, featuring fighting Homophobia, and childhood friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so glad people are liking this so far! I hope you like God, it’s so fun to write her. Enjoy!

How they_ pull this off_ as actually quite simple. You see, Heaven nor Hell were ‘in the know’ of things, especially Earth-related topics. They thought tomatoes were poisonous, it was that bad. If Aziraphale was stuck in the fashion of the 18th century, Heaven and Hell were stuck in the mindset and _basic knowledge. _ Of course, they knew important things, World Wars and the like, but. Well. You wouldn’t be able to put them on a quiz show, is what I’m saying. They probably don’t even know the current year, just that it was _ Close To The End. _

This helped Aziraphale and Crowley keep their story in order. As far as Heaven and Hell were concerned, Mr and Mrs Dowling were still distant parents, and they lived in America. Mr Dowling was certainly _distant, _ a good few miles, one would say. And it’s hard to avoid being distant when there are boundaries, whether they be the boundaries of the afterlife, or a restraining order. Mr Dowling lived in America, but our favourite couple moved back to England, so they are lying completely.

Nevertheless, Warlock was having a very good time in England. Soho was nice, very nice, especially once they added proper rooms in Aziraphale’s flat. They would have lived in London, but Warlock was never good with big busy places. So Soho it was. Until, for no reason whatsoever, completely natural reasons, they began thinking about Tadfield. It was quiet, not too many people, perfect weather constantly. It was a childhood dream. Let’s just stay in Soho for a year, and then check out Tadfield, hmm? It’d be a nice change.

And so that’s exactly what they did. Once Warlock was six, and a week, they went on a trip to Tadfield. This, dear readers, is where we meet some interesting characters, but of course, you know who I’m talking about. You’ve known since I mentioned Tadfield. I’m talking about The Them. Wouldn’t it be nice for Warlock to be friends with kids his own age?

Warlock did indeed make friends quickly, so of course, they had to move there. Warlock was their little Darling, he gets whatever he wants. (The main reason they still thought he was the Antichrist. It’s just their inability to refuse him.) Everyone loves them, especially the parents, as they were, mother of all surprises, excellent babysitters. 

Of course, you might be thinking, does Warlock know who they actually are? Yes, they explained that a week after they moved back to England. He knows his Dad is an Angel, and his Mada (Warlock came up with it, cute and gender neutral, important when your parents gender changes as much as their hair) was a Demon. Don’t worry, he is up to date. How else would they live properly?

Back to the story. Warlock joined The Them very quickly, this only boosted by the fact his Mada built them a proper fort. A treehouse that was linked to the original den. Nobody knew, of course. The kids were smart enough not to snitch on the fact that Aunt (at the time) Crowley dropped a hammer on her foot and dropped an F-bomb. How else would they get the amazing cookies provided by said Aunt? They have _ some _ self preservation skills.

Now, you’ve been reading the whole time. Can you guess who out of the two is the favourite of The Them (Warlock not included for the time being)? Surprisingly, it isn’t Crowley. They were good, yes, but couldn’t, for instance, carry them around on their shoulders. You see, as it turns out Crowley is actually tiny. Yes, as Ashtoreth she was a good 5’6, but naturally, calm Crowley? Just barely five foot. If Crowley took all of the gender in their relationship, Aziraphale took the height. He stood at a very good 6’1, making it very amusing to him next to his spouse. Don’t let this mislead you, Crowley was terrifying when needed. Like now, for an example.

Let’s set the scene. The Ineffable family has been in Tadfield for around three months, and everyone more or less loved them. Except for the local priest, who had retired and now lived with his daughter. He _ hated _ Aziraphale, for reasons no one knew. All they did know, was that Crowley shouldn’t find out unless the Priest did anything. Well, he had reached his limit it seemed, and this meant he went to find the local Angel.

“Hey, you! Yeah, I’m talking to you.”

“What do you need my good sir? Can I help you with anything?”

“Yeah, you can help me by taking you and your queer family out of my town!”

Now, this made everyone in the field freeze. They were all accepting of the _ queer family _because they weren’t against LGBT+ individuals. Even if they were, they wouldn’t have done anything against the lovely family. Clearly, this priest was an idiot. Before anyone could tell him that, however, Crowley beat them to it.

“Excuse me, what did you just say? Because if I heard that right, you want me and my family out of ‘your’ town.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said, bitch. Need me to repeat myself?”

Everyone knew, you did not call Crowley a bitch, unless you were Crowley, because she knew herself. You _ especially _don’t say it in an obviously misogynistic way. Place your bets on what Crowley will do, people!

“Oh, I’m a bitch? Well, I’m fine with being a bitch. At least I’m not a fake priest.”

“How dare you! I’m not a fake!”

“Well, if you were an actual priest you would have read the bible, and you would know that God loves each and everyone of her children.”

“God isn’t a woman!”

“How would you know? Have you met her? Also, it does say in the bible, when talking about creation, that God is a woman, you know that right?”

“God can’t be a woman!”

“And why is that?”

“Because women aren’t strong enough to create things!”

Everyone felt the air itself still, as his words washed over them. The silence was deafening, and then it wasn’t. A scream, instead, pierced it. Crowley had kicked him, in the crotch.

“Oh sorry, I forgot, there’s nothing there.”

“You bitch! How dare you, I’m going to report you!”

“I’m afraid that won’t do anything, Mr Madison.”

The neighborhood watch was there, and he was angry. He hadn’t liked Crowley originally, reminded him too much of those biker teens you saw in movies. But ever since Crowley had saved his puppy from a Fox, he had warmed right up. Nobody did anything against her without him doing something about it.

“Come with me, Mr Madison. Your daughter came to get me, she wants to have a word about you, mentioned something about a home.”

“What? She can’t, I’m her father!”

“And your old enough for a home. Or at least, to live somewhere other than Tadfield, come on now.”

And so Mr Madison followed him, and by the next month, he was gone. Crowley became the hero of the town, because no one really liked Mr Madison, least of all his daughter. She had sent Crowley flowers to thank her, and Crowley sent a Victoria sponge back. They had been friends ever since. 

A boost in flower growth around their house was noticed by Crowley after the Madison incident, and she had smiled. She was always good at sensing my presence, unfortunately. Perhaps I could use that though, who knows. Might come in useful.

Life in Tadfield was Strange, and Good. And this time, it would stay that way, apocalypse be damned.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment if you notice any mistakes, and any tags I need to add!


	3. A Brief Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are interrupted from our usual Omens to bring you The Archangel Michael and The Lord Of The Files, who have caught on to Aziraphale and Crowleys' deception. Oh dear, I hope this goes well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated! I had this written for a while, but I completely forgot to publish it! I haven't been writing recently, and I don't think I will for a little longer. Hope this is enough for now.

One would assume that life went on, happily. But that wouldn’t be a very interesting story though, would it? You would probably prefer some drama, some action, no? Perhaps Michael and Dagon get suspicious about how  _ happy _ Aziraphale and Crowley are. That would be fun, wouldn’t it? Let’s see…

To set the scene, Archangel Michael and The Lord of The Files had been meeting up in private for centuries, exchanging gossip and tips for filing. They had seen a good couple of plays through the years and developed a taste for certain foods at certain cafes. They wouldn’t be considered  _ native _ like our Ineffable Partners, but they could pass for humans if necessary. Thus, it wasn’t difficult for them to get in contact to discuss said Partners, though they didn’t know that part just yet.

“Michael? Good, you’re here. Was wondering when you’d show up.”

“Oh be quiet, I had to get away from Gabriel. You know him, preparing us all for the war.”

“Yeah, the war… Anyway, what’s been happening? You said that the Earth stationed Principality is acting suspicious?”

“Well, not  _ suspicious  _ exactly just, happier, you know? Happier than normal. It’s weird, he just keeps saying how ‘there’s no suspicion from the other side’ and how the Antichrist isn’t evil in the slightest.”

“What? That’s not what Crowley said.  _ He _ said there’s no suspicion and that the Antichrist is perfectly evil. What is going on…”

“That doesn’t make sense, how could they both be… Unless they’re working together.”

“I mean, Crowley  _ has  _ gone native. Of course he’d betray, working with an Angel. This doesn’t count, obviously.”

“Obviously, never thought it would. Let’s go find them, yes? Set this straight. If they are working together, they’re both in America.”

“Right, let’s go then. It’s probably nothing, but better safe than sorry.”

“Agreed.”

And so the two set off on a road trip, if one considers receiving a private escort from the Archangel Michael a road trip. Angel methods of transport are just  _ cleaner _ , Michael would argue, ignoring the fact they could have travelled separately. They’ll take a while to catch up with our couple, so let’s leave them to it, and check on the parents.

Oh, this _ is  _ interesting. It appears Crowley and the kids are playing a pirate game. Warlock and The Them are currently seven, almost eight for Adam and Warlock, it’s July, and they’re playing a pirate game. Oh no! Captain Pepper has taken the fair Maiden Crowley hostage, whatever shall we do? If only there was a brave pirate to save him! Crowley could save himself, but he’d hate to rip his dress, it’s very nice after all. 

“Fear not, Fair Maiden! I, Captain Adam and my crew will save you!”

“You can never defeat me! I’m the fearless Pepper, I’m the best Captain around!”

“Oh, dear me! She’s just too strong, oh help me!”

“Don’t worry Maiden, we have a secret weapon! Charge, Mr Fluff Wizard!” That was Warlock and his cat. He had named him, naturally, though Aziraphale had suggested adding Wizard to the name.

“Mrrow!” Mr Fluff Wizard did not charge, but he  _ did _ look adorable in his little pirate outfit. He instead walked over, and batted at Peppers sword, so you could say he attacked, I suppose.

“Oh! Your beast is so powerful, I. Must. Pet. Him.” And so she did, and while she was distracted, Captain Adam and First mate Brian rushed forward to release the Maiden, who had been working on undoing his bindings.

“Aha! You are saved, Maiden!”

“Oh, thank you, kind Captain. I must repay your crew handsomely. Perhaps in baked goods?”

“Oh, you are very kind, I will accept your gifts.”

“I wish I could have some goods… I’m very sorry for capturing you, fair Maiden. Can I have some too?”

“Well, as long as you are very sorry. I don’t see the harm. Come along, great pirates. You must be tired.”

“Thank you!”

Wasn’t that adorable? How sweet. But where’s Aziraphale? Oh, there he is. Bartering for some books in America, he is still a collector after all. I wonder if he’ll run into Michael and Dagon, or if he’ll just get followed home. Shall we check?

“Why can’t we just go to the house Michael, it would be faster!”

“We should find out what we can first, shouldn’t we? Besides, they don’t know we’re coming, so they’ll be there.”

“I guess… Hey, look at this. ‘Wife of Ambassador killed in an assassination attempt of Son, Warlock.’ Isn’t that the Antichrist?”

“What? Give me that! ‘Nanny and Gardener won custody of Ambassadors Son after reports of abuse and neglect come out.’ That’s Aziraphale, the Gardener.”

“And that Nanny looks like Crowley. Does it say if they’re still in America?”

“I’ll look, hang on…”

“Michael? Is that you? What…”

“Aziraphale! I, uh. Can explain?”

“Why are you on Earth? Who’s your companion? It’s a pleasure to meet you…”

“Dagon, Lord of The Files. Where’s Crowley, and the boy?”

“Boy? Crowley? Um, I don’t know what you’re talking about, not in the slightest…”

In response, Michael holds up the newspaper they were reading, which has a large picture of the three together.

"Ah… Well, you see. A bit hard to explain, if you would just come with me it would be easier."

"Come with you where Aziraphale?"

"To England, that's where we all live currently."

"Wait, you live together? You actually do?"

"Of course! We have Warlock, why wouldn't we? Now, if you would grab on, we can get there lickity split."

"Okay… I guess."

And so, An Archangel, A Principality, and The Lord Of The Files miracled over to Tadfield, England.

"Oh, Angel! You're back! The kids are all out in the den, we were playing… Pirates?"

"Crowley, it appears we have some curious beings to explain things too."

"Naturally. Sup Michael, Dagon. You're both looking well. What do you want to know?"

"Why are you raising the Antichrist? And what is this about his Mother's death?"

"Well, you see. A couple of bastards in America decided they wanted to do some damage, tried to kill Warlock, Harriet got caught in the crossfire. We are raising Warlock because Mr Dowling became quite a twat after her death, and hit his son. He also hit me but that isn't important. He knows what we are, who we are, all that jazz. Don't worry, everything is fine."

"Apart from the fact that both of you are traitors. When and why did you two start this thing?"

"Ah, that is very easy to explain. I love Crowley and Crowley loves me. Since Eden, really. Just took me a second to catch up. Can I just say, you look beautiful in that dress, my dear boy?"

"I know right? Warlock picked it, such a good eye he has. Got it from me, clearly."

"Hey! Tartan is stylish!"

"No, it isn't. It really isn't love."

"Can you two stop flirting? It's unbearable."

"Oh, well if we must. But it's just so easy to compliment Crowley."

"Also, you're lucky we were flirting, I almost didn't notice you guys have been holding hands since you got here."

"What! Why would I hold hands with an Angel!"

"You were, don't deny it! Besides, why are you two even together? Catching up on the gossip? Fair enough, but you don't have to do that in person."

"It's not our fault Gabriel and Beelzebub are annoying. Human culture is interesting, I must say. Romeo and Juliet was a good play."

"What, no. A Midsummer Night's Dream is way better! No stupid deaths because your girlfriend faked her death."

"Fair point. At least we can agree on food though?"

"Pizza is the best, along with chocolate chip cookies."

"Exactly! What are you two giggling at?"

"You guys go to see plays together, and have pizza? That is what me and Zira do. For dates."

"Oh… Those are dates? Did you know that Dagon?"

"... Would you be mad if I said I did?"

The two were blushing messes and were clearly dying of embarrassment. Crowly took pity on them and gestured for Aziraphale to leave. Once he had, Crowley went to the kitchen, got the chocolate chip cookies he made earlier and gave them to Michael.

"Have fun, lovebirds!"

**Author's Note:**

> If anything doesn’t make sense, or there’s something I need to edit, especially if it’s warnings and tags I need to put up, feel free to comment.


End file.
